I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
