Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
