Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
sarcasm needs its own font
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
