Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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