There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
