I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Who died my cat blue again?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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