now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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