I heard we made out
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she peed on how many people?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
