His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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