Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
