Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
