So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
