Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
