Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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