I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
