your parents love me but you hate me
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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