He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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