Michael Bay diarrhea
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
