That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize