Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
