if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So apparently I’m into choking now
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