We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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