Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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