I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
