I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
