I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
