i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
