Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she peed on how many people?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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