so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
