He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
