i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
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