I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
