Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my sisters under your porch take her home
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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