How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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