i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
