im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
