don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
