It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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