I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
