i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
