I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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