I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
