Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
