I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
