proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
