Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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