My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You have to summon your inner elephant
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
