in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
