i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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