I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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