she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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