So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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