Don't make out with my wife yet
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
