Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
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