hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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