OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
