I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
