Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
