After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize