She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
