It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
