I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
