whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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