So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
