I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize