M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
