i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
