Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
