lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
